Short Jokes Anonymous
by White Mage Koorii
Summary: Oneshot/Drabble Series; At least one short joke is guaranteed per-chapter! Random conversations between Roy and Edward in which there are cracks at his height. Other FMA cast members may guest star! Humor, crack, it abounds!
1. Jail Bait

**Words: **399  
**Warnings:** None

**1. Jail bait**

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Roy Mustang waved his hand languidly in the air after the retreating back of a rather pretty, petite, young, brunette woman, who was surreptitiously slipping a good number of cenz into her handbag as she went. There went yet another informant with yet more information for him. He smiled that easy smile of his before giving a pleased little hum, and turning to go.

Roy was brought up short, however, by a drawling voice, "Geeze talk about jail bait.. How old was she? Fifteen?"

Casting an askance glance he found the now eighteen year old Fullmetal Alchemist to be lounging at a small outdoor table nearby. Edward was industriously slurping at a soda through a straw while watching him with lidded gold eyes. "Then again everything is jail bait for you, right? At least I don't even look eighteen."

Roy wondered if Ed realized that could be something a joke at himself, but chose not to point it out. Instead he smirked and watched from the corner of his eyes as Edward got that look on his face. That pinched look that meant he was expecting a crack at his height. Roy simply spoke blandly, "Yeah, you can pull it off better..."

Edward took a deep breath to retaliate with one of his customary rants, only to get a slightly confused look on his face. That... hadn't really been what he was expecting.

Mustang carried on as if he hadn't noticed a thing, "Me, though? I'm much more mature--"

"What? No short joke?" Ed broke in as he stomped over toward his commanding officer looking peeved at the apparent break in the routine.

Roy managed to look suitably surprised, "Yes it was."

Edward shook his head in a negative, "Well it wasn't like..a.."

Amused, Roy watched the younger man flounder for the right words and cheerfully pointed out, "Fullmetal, I just said you're small enough to pass for a child. Even if it sounded like a roundabout compliment."

"Exactly!" Ed screeched. "Most of your jokes are all... ugh... NOT COMPLIMENTS."

Smirking smugly Mustang favored the fuming alchemist with an amused look, "Got to mix it up sometimes, Fullmetal. But... if you prefer... 'Yes, I know you can pass for jail bait. You're as short as a 13 year old.'"

"Thank you." Ed snarled, and then he was off in one of his usual tangents, much to Roy's amusement.

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A/N: So, I'm not really aiming for proper characterization or anything here... These are meant to be funny, and probably kind of cracky. You've been warned. I have seen at least 30 episodes of the anime, and read around 60 chapters of the manga, though.

Anyway, a side note about these oneshots/drabbles.... Most of them are based on conversations between myself and a friend. Most of Mustang's lines are mine, and Edward's are hers. Yes, I do spew shortjokes as bad as Mustang, ask her. -laugh.- We just thought it'd be amusing to turn some of them into fics featuring Mustang and Ed since we could see it happening.

Enjoy!

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	2. Survey

**Words: **315  
**Warnings:** None  
**Disclaimer:** It occurs to me that I forgot this in the first chapter. Oh well, I'm an absent minded lazy fool, bu I suspect you all know I don't own FMA. Tra la la~

**2. Survey**

* * *

It was one of those annoying surveys they had people fill out just because they wanted to be irritating, Ed was sure of that. Given, the truth behind it was probably more along the lines of 'keeping track of work ethic and morality' or some other bullshit... Point was, Ed didn't care. They still annoyed the hell out of him, and things that annoyed the hell out of him generally ended up a pile of transmuted goo.

Huffing irately, he ruffled the sheath of papers to make sure all and sundry were aware of his aggravation. He got scattered 'coughs' in reply from the others in the room. Ed didn't bother to look up not wanting to see any of their expressions. If he had to look at Mustang he was likely to try and make the Colonel eat his auto mail fist...

Then again, Winry wouldn't like that. He winced at the thought.

"You're commanding officer would most likely call you: trusting, tolerant, devoted, sociable or hardworking" He mumbled to himself and sneered at the page he proceeded to wonder. "What kind of choices are those?"

"The one I'd choose certainly isn't on there." A smooth voice interjected from somewhere to his left, and Ed looked up to frown at Mustang. Mustang hadn't even looked up from his own papers, where the fountain pen he was using was busily sliding over the paper. Ed would have bet he wasn't actually working on it, just doodling in any empty space available.

"Oh?" Edward hazarded, dubiously.

Mustang looked up and smirked evilly at him, "Yes." he sighed dramatically lifting his hands in a sort of 'woe is me' gesture. "Short isn't on there, after all."

Ed saw red.

Next thing anyone knew he was trying to beat the Colonel over the head with the rolled up survey, screeching angrily while Roy howled with laughter.

* * *

**A/N:** The Edward of my existance was working on a job application and came across the question "What would you're best friend most likely call you?" and then told me the options. It spiraled from there and I couldn't resist.

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	3. Ice Cream

**Words:** 203  
**Warnings:** Notta  
**Disclaimer:** Yeah, not mine. As usual. Certainly not rich over here.

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**3. Ice Cream**

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At age twenty-six Ed still wasn't the tallest guy around, though he had gained at least a few inches. Still, it was nothing less than depressing to find Elysia had already out grown him when she tackled him with an excited hug the day of her fifteenth birthday. Ed had taken the ice cream cone Gracia had given him, and taken to sulking about. He'd get over it soon enough, but he felt entitled to a bit of a sulk, really! Of course, he couldn't be left to do it in peace, could he?

Ed sent Mustang an irate look as the older man drifted near, smirking that smarmy smirk of his at him, "Oh don't worry about it, Edward. I'm sure there are some insects around that would be willing to give you a leg up if you needed it."

With a snarl Ed reached up and brought his ice cream cone down on Mustang's dark head (was that a gray hair or five?), "NO ONE ASKED YOU, YOU OVER THE HILL OLD MAN!" he bellowed into Mustang's ear.

Dusting his hands off Ed sauntered off to get himself a replacement as ice cream trickled down the sides of Mustang's head.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank god the real version behind this occured via IM. No ice cream in my hair!


End file.
